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Chinese Mom  

2009-04-28 08:06:48|  分类: 教育思考 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Chinese Mom

Generally speaking, most moms are the same everywhere in the world, loving and caring for their children and devoted to the family. However, it is said that the Chinese mom is singled out and given a special definition in the United States, unfortunately a negative one. According to a report, a so-called typical Chinese mom is eager to catch up with the Joneses in the case of cultivation of children. What she can never bear is to see any child of her neighbor’s, her relative’s, her friend’s or just anyone else’s she happens to know can do better than her own child academically. For example, if her child gets 95 in the math test, while another student gets 96, she can’t sleep in the night until she makes the child promise to score 97 or higher next time. If she happens to hear a child of her colleague is learning to play the piano, she will buy a piano right away for her child though she can hardly afford it and she doesn’t know whether the child likes it or it is really good and proper for him to learn to play it or not. Of course, it’s not difficult for you to imagine what pressure her child has to endure. What’s more, everything is done in the name of love, her selfless love to the child, who, therefore, can never refuse it. Thus life gets very hard and frustrating for both mom and child. But the last thing a Chinese mom will do is to quit. It is a heavy Cross she has to carry to redeem her child from being average.

Will she win the battle? There is no doubt that it is a battle, a very tough one indeed. But to most Americans’ surprise, in quite a few cases, she WILL! I don’t have the exact figures to support my point. But it seems certain that the percentage of the children of Chinese immigrants who perform academically very well at school is most impressive. The Americans are confused and indignant! How can such crazy and stupid practice turn out to be so successful? How is it possible that the American mom who firmly believes she is the only one to know how to cultivate children in the “correct” way is beaten?

In fact, as everybody knows very well, nothing is perfect or absolutely correct. Since laziness is human nature, people, especially children, need a push from time to time, if they want to do better. The trouble with the American mom is that she hardly ever pushes her children, while the trouble with the Chinese mom is that she hardly ever stops pushing them and sometimes overdoes it.

We used to have some great masters of Beijing opera. However, there are no more now. A reporter once interviewed one of them and asked him what his secret of success was. His answer was most astonishing: “Sticks and tears!” He would be severely punished with a stick if he couldn’t perform perfectly. With tears in his eyes, he had to repeat and repeat until his teacher was satisfied. Of course that was horrible experience, but that was why he became a great master. In the West, we can find the same thing in the past: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Rod-education has been banned. But what about a push?  Shouldn’t we push our children to do better?

On one hand, a Chinese mom drives her child too hard to gain as much book knowledge as possible all the time. On the other hand, she tolerates the child too much in many other ways. Whatever has nothing to do with his study won’t arouse her any attention. She doesn’t mind if the child never does any housework, never has any friends, never helps others, never has a hobby, never reads other books except textbooks, and never respects teachers or the elderly. In this sense, a child cultivated in this way may do very well in his studies, but may not be a qualified citizen when he grows up. He may not be a capable person with good manners, have few friends and feel lonely very often, have almost no interests or hobbies, and have to depend on his mom all the time. Should the sharp contrast give us some food for thought?

In conclusion, parents should be responsible for the healthy development of children. They should discipline children and give them a push if necessary. Children should be encouraged to pursue their interests and learn to depend on themselves. All- round development of our children is what we should strive for.

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