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Funny and Crazy English  

2010-07-04 16:29:22|  分类: 英语文章 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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You think English is easy???  But sometimes it is really funny and most confusing!  Sometimes it may even drive you mad!!!   Don't you believe?   An English friend sends me the following and I'd like to share with you,hoping you will enjoy it.


 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.        wound  v. 包裹    n. 伤口
 2) The farm was used to produce produce.               produce  v. 生产     n. 农产品
 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.      refuse   v. 拒绝     n. 垃圾
 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.                                       polish   v. 擦亮     n. 漆
 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.                           lead   v. 领先        n. 铅
 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.     desert  v. 抛弃     n. 沙漠   dessert  甜食
 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.                                                      present   adj. 现在   v. 赠送    n. 礼物
 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.   bass   n. 鲈鱼    低音
 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.             dove   n. 鸽子     v. 俯冲
10) I did not object to the object.                                        object    v. 反对   n. 目标
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.                   invalid   adj.  无效的     伤病者
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.     row   n.  争吵    v. 划船
13) They were too close to the door to close it.                            close   adj. 靠近的    v. 关闭
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.      does   v. 做     n. 母鹿
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.        sower  n.  缝具   阴沟
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.       sow    n. 母猪     v. 播种
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.                                wind   n. 风     v.  卷绕
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.                 tear   n.  撕破   眼泪
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.                      subject   v. 提交   n. 题目
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?                intimate  v. 告诉   adj. 亲密的
Let's face it - English is a crazy language!

 

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. (eggplant 茄子   pineapple  菠萝)

English muffins weren't invented in England or French Fries in France .. (muffin  小松饼  French fries  薯条)

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. (sweetmeat  蜜饯   sweetbreads  杂碎)

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. (quicksand 流沙   guinea pig 豚鼠)
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people  recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? (ship  运输 , 船    run  流鼻涕     smell   发臭)
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? (wise guy  自作聪明的人)

 

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up(烧光) as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off (响起)by going on. 
English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race(赛跑) at all. That is why when the stars are out(出来) they are visible but when the lights are out (熄灭)they are invisible. 
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

 


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this... 


There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'.
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP(醒来) ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP(提出) ? Why do we speak UP(大胆说出) and why are the officers UP(被提名) for election and why is it UP to(由。。。来负责) the secretary to write UP (起草)a report ? 
We call UP(打电话) our friends. And we use it to brighten UP(装饰) a room, polish UP(擦亮) the silver; we warm UP(加热) the leftovers and clean UP(打扫) the kitchen. We lock UP锁好) the house and some guys fix UP(修理) the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP(引起) trouble, line UP(排队) for tickets, work UP(制作) an appetite, and think UP(想出) excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP(打扮) is special. 
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP(打开) because it is stopped UP(堵住). We open UP(开设) a store in the morning but we close it UP(关闭) at night. 
We seem to be pretty mixed UP(混淆) about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP(查阅) in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP(占据) almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to(达到,合计) about thirty definitions. If you are UP to(从事) it, you might try building UP(建立) a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP(花费) a lot of your time  but if you don't give UP(放弃), you may wind UP with(结果获得) a hundred or more.

 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP(天阴).  When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP(天晴)! When is rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP(弄糟).

When is doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP(变干).
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP(总结), for now my time is UP(时间已到), so........it is time to shut UP(闭嘴)! 
Oh . . . one more thing: 
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?  U-P(起床,起身)!

 

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